On Thursday, October 19, 2017 at 3:42:33 PM UTC-6, Gutless
Post by Gutless Umbrella Carrying SissyI even have the one
season of the short-lived Flash Gordon where Flash is a
Canadian marathon runner and the big bad guy is Ming the
Accountant, and only Don S. Davis was self aware enough to know
what a turkey it was.
I'm aware of a version of Flash Gordon as a TV series that was
made in Germany, but not this one.
From the SciFi channel shortly before (2007) they rebranded
themselves the Syphilis Channel. It's really difficult to count all
the ways in which it sucked.
Flash was a Canadian marathon runner, not an American football
player.
Dr. Zarkov lived in an RV, and didn't shower or shave.
Dale Arden was engaged - to someone else. (Don S. David played her
producer - she was a TV reporter - and almost literally chewed the
scenery. He *knew* how bad the show was, and was just there for the
paycheck. But he never did anything without having some fun.)
The princess was played by an actress with less acting ability than
a life-sized cardboard cutout of herself would have had (I am *not*
exaggerating).
Ming was the guy in charge of a water processing plant (all the
water on Mongo was poisoned with some sort of mutation causing
pollutant, except what his plant produced).
Their f/x budget consisted of somebody's allowance and whatever
change they found in the couch, so they didn't have spaceships.
Mongo was in an alternate dimension, and dimension travel involved
the special effect from Sliders.
The hot alien bounty hunter chick (was Baylin a character in the
source material? Or did they just need an athletic hot chick?)
correctly deduced that Hawkmen had been present at a particular
spot on Earth, after finding a feather. When Hawkmen finally
appeared, they did not have feathers. They flew by flapping their
arms while wearing tattered suede cloaks, and screeching a sound
that someone who has never seen (much less hear) a hawk (or any
other bird) might imagine a hawk might make, after looking at a
picture of a potato.
The "fans" evicerated them in the SciFi Channel web site forums,
where they dubbed Ming "Ming the Accountant." One pundit offered
the opinion that "I was looking forward to the commercials." (Which
is damning enough on any network, but this was SciFi during the
Bonnie "I had science fiction" Hammer days, and they has some of
the most annoyingly offensive commercials on television.)
The sad thing is, once the "fan" feedback worked its way though the
whole production process (they obviously had most of the season's
scripts at least at treatment stage before the first episode
aired), they killed off the fiance (in a way that guaranteed he'd
be back the next season as a villian, and, if it lasted to a third
season, reformed as a Conflicted Good Guy ally - and it could have
worked), and gave the actors something to work with. Turned out
they could actually *act* (except the princess, and even she
actually managed to be more animated than the cardboard cutout, if
only barely) The last 3 or 4 episodes were actually pretty good (at
least in the "it feels good when I stop" sort of way you get when
you've been pounding on your gentials with a hammer). But it was
far too late at that point. The only people left watching were,
like me, the sort who can't look away from a train wreck.
The DVDs at least cost more than the shipping (which proves it
doesn's suck as much as Alien Apocalypse[1]).
http://tinyurl.com/y8zcdnzj
https://www.amazon.com/Flash-Gordon-Complete-Eric-
Johnson/dp/B00BHLTIXQ/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1508451380&sr=8-1
&keywords=flash+gordon+dvd+2007
[1] A very useful rating system for movies is to divide the cost of
the DVD by the cost of shipping on Amazon. If the number is less
than 3 or so, the movie is likely not very good. If it's less than
2, it's a genuine turkey. If it's less than one, it's probably so
epically bad that it's so bad it's good. Except Alien Apocalypse.
It's so far beyond so bad it's good that it's just bad again.)
--
Terry Austin
Vacation photos from Iceland:
https://plus.google.com/u/0/collection/QaXQkB
"Terry Austin: like the polio vaccine, only with more asshole."
-- David Bilek
Jesus forgives sinners, not criminals.